relinguishing control

the student of Tao loses something day-by-day
   by continually losing,
   one reaches doing nothing
she who conquers the world often does so by doing nothing

in this day, doing nothing is extremely difficult for me. i used to start the day with my long to-do list. i would check off each item as it were done and feel a sense of accomplishment. i had DONE something! really, though, what had i done, other than check something off on a list? would the day have flowed any less smoothly had i not checked off items on my list? no, but i felt in CONTROL.
who was in control? i or the list? the list was! i had dedicated my day to following its dictates.now i am trying an experiment. other than a few things which MUST be done due to health matters, i don't have lists. i let the day tell me where it wants me to go. i relinquish control to the flow of Tao. if i awaken and my body says to sleep more, i sleep more. if i have energy and can speak, i go do my chanting. if i cannot speak just then, i go do yoga nidra. sometimes i just lay there and do nothing.
doing nothing comes to me in baby steps. sometimes i cannot do it at all. i jump out of bed, say i HAVE to do this, this, and this. often i find that this, this, and this does not get done. Tao has other movements that i slip  into, like letting myself slide into a current in the water. i have gotten better at recognizing THIS as a dictator and removing myself from its chains. i slow down my speed, check my tension spots. relax my shoulders, my jaw, my knees. remember to breathe. that all i have to do today is to breathe, eat, BE.